This piece was written by my husband after the birth of our first child! We used the same doula for our 2nd daughters birth and are planning on using one again for our third child.
Helpless. That’s pretty much what you feel when you’re wife goes into labor and there is nothing at all you can do to help her. I tried a few things I’d read online and heard about from others, but we’d never had the chance to take a class so my actual knowledge was severely lacking. Watching her roam around the house all day trying to manage was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. She kept telling me that it was enough for me to just be there to take care of little things (getting water, juice, or her phone, answering the door or the phone, etc.), but it sure didn’t seem like it. I know I wanted to do more, that much was certain, but I didn’t know what I COULD do. After about four hours of fairly steady contractions, it was time to call the doula.
Relief. The feeling was palpable as soon as I said “Stacy is here”. As soon as Stacy (our doula) came in, Momma D relaxed and felt a whole lot better. She no longer wanted to rush off to the hospital and was content to remain at home for a while longer. Stacy knew EXACTLY what to say and do, and when to do it. She helped guide me through whatever I could to keep Momma comfy, which wasn’t much. I’ll be honest, most of the time I felt totally disconnected. I never knew quite what to do or where to be, or even what to say. I tried muttering a few motivational things, but they were nothing compared to what the doula was saying. It’s never easy for me to step back and not be in charge of helping at times like these, but Momma D responded much better to Stacy. I stood by, helped where I could, and let Stacy take it.
As time passed, Momma D started to get more uncomfortable, but not yet to the point where she had to head to the hospital. Stacy helped us decide when the time was right to actually depart, and even guided me in protecting the seats in case Momma D’s water broke on the way! She knew exactly when it was time to go to make sure the car ride to the hospital was comfortable enough for Momma. Even better, she grabbed me a much-needed coffee (it was already almost 8 pm by the time we left the house) on the way! I knew we were headed in the right direction, and everyone was a lot calmer then I know we would have been without Stacy around.
Once we got to the hospital, I expected to meet Stacy at the entrance, as we had never actually been to the maternity ward before, but alas, she was not quite there. We asked at the emergency entrance (only one open after hours) where to go, and they loaded Momma D into a wheelchair to take us there. We had no choice as to the wheelchair use, per hospital policy, so we went along. Once we got to the birthing room, Momma D was set up on her bed and hooked up to all kinds of monitoring equipment. Nobody was really telling us anything, so we were trying to settle in the best we could around the craziness going on around us. It was all a bit overwhelming, and easy to get lost in the mix. Once again, I just tried to stay out of the way and let the nurses do what they needed to to get Momma D all set up.
Fortunately, it wasn’t long before Stacy showed up (yep, with my coffee! Woohoo!). As soon as she showed up, she bumped up the temperature in the room, got Momma D a set of those fancy non-skid hospital socks, and told the nurses that Momma D had been eating and drinking, and anything else they needed to know about her progression to that point. She knew exactly where everything was, who everyone was, and what to tell the hospital staff to make their lives (and ours!) easier. She was ALL OVER IT! It was so nice to have her there to finally start advocating for us, and informing us on what was going on, what to expect, and what else we needed to do to settle in and prepare, which was particularly helpful since no one else was giving us any information. She even took the time to introduce the staff to us, even as they rushed around setting everything up, and darted in and out to assist others as needed.
As things continued to progress, Stacy gave Momma D great advice on how to manage the pain, even when the dreaded back labor started to kick in. When our Midwife, Roberta, showed up, Stacy filled her in on everything to that time, and advised that it might be time to prep the bath for Momma D to relax in. Stacy double checked the temperature of the water and grabbed two large cups, one full of ice water for Momma D to drink, the other to be used later. As contractions came on, Stacy helped Momma D breathe through them (if in the front), and guided Momma D into soothing positions to help survive the back contractions, using the other cup to pour warm water over her back to further ease the intense pain. She let me know when to do it, and how to do it, and we took turns supporting Momma through the pain.
As the night continued, Stacy was great at discussing options with the midwife regarding how to manage the pain of Momma’s back labor, and help us stick with our plan of staying natural (granted, Roberta, our midwife, was great with this as well, but Stacy had some ideas to try too, which was great!). When these eventually fell short, Stacy was one of the first to advocate going for the epidural when Momma asked for it. Stacy is all about natural childbirth, but also knew exactly where that line is to change it up and go for more modern techniques to make Momma more comfortable, and actually allow her to rest, which is far more important to a healthy delivery in the long run. She also understood fully the differences between regular and back labor, so had ZERO issues advocating for a change in plan once the pain started to become unbearable.
Once the epidural was in place, Stacy knew that it was time for sleep, for all of us, as things still weren’t far enough along to end anytime soon. She was gracious enough to let me sleep on the fold out couch (despite my protests) while she curled up in her chair fort (two chairs pulled together to make a pseudo couch). She told the nurses she’d monitor things for a bit as well, so they would steer clear and let us sleep better for longer, which, thanks to her experience, the nurses were ok with.
When morning came (just a few short hours later…we went to bed around two, started really prepping around five AM or so when Momma was about 8 cm dilated), Stacy was there to help check in on Momma and get a read on how far along she was. She told me where to go to get food, and stood by Momma while I did so. When I got back she was talking to Momma about how to push, when to think about starting to push, and was generally doing an excellent job of prepping her. Again, the nurses and hospital staff did a pretty good job of that as well, but Stacy had a lot of little details that the nursing staff either didn’t have, or didn’t share (probably taught to stick to the basics). It was certainly nice to have the extra advice on hand though!
After Momma’s water broke, it was just about time to start pushing, and Stacy was right there to help guide us both through the process. She basically took it upon herself to help calm Momma, tell her when (and how) to push, and tell me the best ways to support Momma through it all. With her there, I was basically able to float around the bed and soak in every minute of everything that was happening. I was one of those who was right there in it, watching as everything happened below, so Stacy was good enough to take care of Momma when able, but still let me know when it was my turn to talk to her. It made the whole experience so much calmer and enjoyable than I ever thought it could be (still pretty hectic, I’ll admit, but not as bad), and really helped ease the transition into parenthood.
As soon as JMAC was born, Stacy was on top of getting the first pictures of her, including those while she was being bathed and weighed in and everything. The whole birth happened so quickly that I was totally absorbed in making sure Momma was ok and watching the Midwives and Doctors fix her up (there was quite a bit of tearing and blood, so I was a bit worried) that I barely even registered that the bath was happening and that anything else was going on, so it was awesome to have Stacy filling in those gaps for us. She even took notes throughout the whole process to ensure we’d get all the key details later on!
She stuck around for a couple of hours after the birth to make sure Momma was settled in after her surgery, and to make sure that I had eaten again and was ready to help move Momma to her new room for the next couple of nights. After she took a nap she texted to check in with us again, and kept in pretty close contact the whole time we were in the hospital. She even came by to visit and check in on us the next day. Even after we were home, Stacy’s contact was pretty frequent to make sure we were settling in and to provide some transition advice for settling into being home with the new little bundle. She again stopped by the house while I was at work to make sure Momma was settled in ok and to make sure she didn’t need anything else while I was gone.
I am so thankful we had Stacy by our side throughout the whole process, as it all went so much easier with her around. She provided excellent guidance to both Momma D and I, which we never would have had otherwise. Having her as our advocate was definitely what we needed, especially since we couldn’t take any of the parenting classes beforehand. Her years of experience were definitely worth the price we paid to have her by our side, and I HIGHLY recommend her to ANYONE else interested in using a doula! For those of you in the Southern Maryland area that are interested in meeting with Stacy and maybe using her as your doula in the future, she can be reached through www.myyogababies.com, or try the Southern Maryland Women’s Healthcare website at www.smwomenshealth.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/Doula-services.pdf.
